Day 238

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This daily blogging is not what I expected. But what did I expect? A year of predictability, that I could dictate? I had goals. Very specific goals. Much of which were re-routed, delayed, pivoted.

Somewhere in my mind, I thought I’d have a logical sequence of how, what, why, strategy, steps, and tasks all leading to my goal delivered with a bow. I did not expect as much vulnerability and personal sharing. But it’s possible that writing, life, pandemics, and our brains do not work like that.

Maybe daily writing for a book with a specific topic would follow a thread. But real-time, case study, in the moment, documenting of life and business do not.

As much as I’d wish for it, 20–20 comes after not now.

I yearn to share the filmmaking journey — the success and missteps, to teach, to help — but at this very moment, it is stalled. Our film is in the distributor’s hands. At the same time, there is still much we can do. But I don’t know yet what that will or should look like.

Today I looked up “day of the year” to see how many blogs I’d completed. It is day 238. The address of our old film office where we worked and created for ten years, 2010–20.

Maybe tomorrow is the day to turn the corner, to engage a new pivot, to enlist courage.

To say goodbye to Day 238 and all that was before.

To cling to hope for Day 239 and all that is to come.

♡ Annie


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