Real-Time Distribution Case Study, Week 10: Butterflies

Previous ... Next
Annie Lundgren, Producer on the set of Phoenix, Oregon

“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man it is to know that and to wonder at it.” — Jacques Yves Cousteau


last night i watched my daughter
twelve going on thirteen
at a birthday party
in a swarm of girls
a year her junior

from her chair -
a still eye in the tornado,
she observed their giggling, swirling glee
the forced hint of a smile on her face
trying, loving,
supporting her young friend,
but not certain where she fit
or how she might join the melee

i remember that feeling…

in the middle of the fray
a witness to the world moving around me
trapped in an inner world of wonder
at how this all works


The Phoenix, Oregon world premiere is in four days.

We wait. Cherishing these last, secret days while the film is still ours.

Gary and I check in with each other, “How are you feeling?” “Ok. You?”

We are flooded with butterflies, like before a big game. Adrenalin, excitement, anticipation of the unknown.

Will we win, lose, or somewhere in the middle?

The nerves are not exactly anxiety.

They are laced with joy and gratitude for getting to play, for being in the game.

It’s a sweet, intense feeling and not completely welcomed.

I always wish it was easier, that I handled it better.

But this moment exists, and it is beautiful.

Because together with a special group of people, we made something.

For that I am so thankful.

This weekend, we celebrate and send the film into the world.


With each new challenge — my 30 weeks of camping, this distribution blog, the release tour — I feel my heart expanding.

In facing what at first seems impossible, the cavern of fear fills with gratitude, learning… and love. For family, friends, crew, cast.


May I grip this life jacket of love and gratitude as we drift from our calm eddy, plunging into the rush of the unknown and the spray of whispered critiques.

♡ Annie


Leave a comment